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Family Trust Publishers
From the desk of Claire Carter Haskins
Sexual Double Standard Diminishes
Sex has always been a complicated thing, and that's something that will never change as long as there are still two sexes on the planet. Sex can be the strongest factor linking a man and a woman in the bonds of love, but it's also one of the most likely reasons for couples to seek marital counseling. The psychology involved in handling the sex drive has always been considered to be vastly different between men and women. That's been the common perception among human beings for many centuries, but it appears as if those differences seem to be diminishing rapidly, at least as far as the stigma that has traditionally been attached to a woman more inclined to act like a man when it comes to fulfilling her sexual desires.
The nature of extramarital affairs is also changing dramatically and in an unprecedented fashion. According to a recent survey, although one in every four women have had extramarital sex, their male counterparts still do it considerably more often, with some 44% of husbands reporting intercourse outside of the marriage. However, the study also found that not only is the difference between male and female infidelity shrinking, but so is the very make-up of modern extramarital relationships.
The study showed both that women and men are beginning to form fairly strong emotional attachments to people of the opposite sex even before they actually engage in a sexual relationship. One of the reasons apparently has to do with the changing nature of our working lives, in which men and women spend many long hours working together in the office every day. That factor is behind an interesting twist to the infidelity scenario that's never been seen before. Back in the 1980s, surveys showed that men who engaged in extramarital sex generally had almost no emotional investment in that relationship.
However, today's men often are engaging in extramarital relationships that are based more on friendship and shared work experience, rather than having sex as the primary component. That means that even if their wives can provide considerably more exciting sexual experiences, men first become involved with women outside of the marriage because they're attracted by shared intellectual and emotional stimuli. In many cases, the actual act of sex becomes part of the relationship only after some time has passed.
The change seems to be generated by the changing nature of home and work. The workplace has become a stimulating place that provides rich and varied experiences, while the home has become a place of pressure brought on by child rearing and finances. The workplace often has become a place where people go to share exciting, stimulating experiences with other people, including members of the opposite sex, who intimately share those experiences, providing a strong common bond that can become a difficult temptation to resist. It isn't something people plan to do at first, but the relationship grows stronger over time.
Regardless of the reasons for the phenomenon, the fact remains that an age-old double standard seems to be fading into the past as more and more men and women begin to view their marriages in a new (and often unflattering) way, and the venerable institution of marriage itself is increasingly coming under fire.
Copyright © 2006 Claire Carter Haskins
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